Bridesmaids are like accessories to every wedding. As a bride, you may feel incomplete without them. The ceremony can go on without them, true, but they enhance the beauty of it. That’s why, like choosing which earring to wear, it sometimes feels like a chore picking out who to play that role. You keep asking yourself who to select and who not to. Or how many is too many?

Interestingly, what most people do not know is that there is an actual history to the role of bridesmaids. In the early Roman times, the bridesmaids were simply there as a ‘protective shield’. Their role was to  intervene if any wayward thugs or vengeful suitors tried to hurt the bride or steal her dowry.

Later on, their roles evolved. A Roman law was passed, whereby ten witnesses had to be present at the wedding, in order to “outsmart evil spirits believed to attend marriage ceremonies”. Due to this, the bridesmaids and groomsmen were required to dress up identical to the couple, so that the ‘evil spirits’ would be confused as to who was getting married.

In the modern world, however, these beliefs no longer hold water. Nevertheless, the core part of the Roman law remains– bridesmaids dress somewhat identical to the bride. Again, though they may not be literally driving away thieves, the bridesmaids serve as a support system for those who might want to ‘steal’ the bride’s joy on her big day.

With that premise, we can deduce that a bridesmaid ishould not be just anyone. She should be someone you hold some emotional connection with, someone you can trust and of course, someone who is willingly helpful. So how do you pick them?

Wendy’s super team of bridesmaids

BRIDAL TRAIN: HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH?

First of all, you have to know the exact role of the bridesmaid before you choose them. In 2019, bridesmaids are needed for a handful of duties.

• For emotional support: Your bridesmaids are the perfect people to turn to when you are stressed from the details of planning. This also covers special favours– for instance, someone you can lean on if you need someone to host a relative/ friend during the period. Basically your bridesmaid has to care– really much.
• For the bridal shower/ bachelorette: Today, brides barely get married without a party or an exclusive night out with her cherished girlfriends. A bridesmaid should be one who cannot miss this event.
• For assorted duties: If you need someone to pop champagne or read out vote of thanks, or even sending out invitations, your bridesmaid should be the go to person.
• For financial responsibilities: A bridesmaid is one who should be willing and able to provide financial assistance WITHOUT complaints or grumblings. Not necessarily to the bride or wedding planning, but at least for her own expenses. They should be ready to foot the bill for their outfits, nails, hair etc.
• For the party: Lastly, your bridesmaid should be one who can turn up for you at any point. If there needs to be an opening dance, for instance, she must be available to do it. You ask her to jump, she should ask ‘how high’?

Now, here is how to go through the selection process:

1. Family first

This is the first rule. If you have any blood sisters or close cousins or even in-laws, make sure to pick them first to join the train. “Your friends love you and have been through a lot with you but family is family. Even if you’re not close to your sister-in-law, you’re marrying her brother so she will always be a part of your life”, Sugar Weddings advises.

2. Choose responsibly

You may have fifty friends but they all cannot be bridesmaids. So this calls for ‘Elimination by rough tactics’. One of such tactics is using the level of responsibility to select. Pick the friends you feel are mature and responsible enough to handle all the roles of a bridesmaid. Avoid drama and stress from the childish ones.

3. Consider the size of your wedding

The size of your wedding will determine how many, and in effect who you would select. If the altar is small, then it calls for fewer bridesmaids– at most 5 of them. If not, you can go as many as 15. Remember there’s no exact number, just use your discretion.

4. Mix it up

Your bridesmaids do not necessarily have to be women. If your best friend is a guy, well fit him in there! t’s really up to you—what’s most important is you include your favorite people, regardless of gender.

5. Returning the favor isn’t a rule

Here is one mistake people often make. Don’t ask someone to be your bridesmaid just because she asked you to be hers! We mean, you don’t need to ask your uni roommate you haven’t spoken to in five years just to return the favor. And if they need an explanation, give them the honest truth. Weddings are intimate and you should have around the people you feel closest to at that point in your life.

QUICK TIPS

The number one conflict among the bridal train is MONEY. Try to be clear and upfront about what needs to be spent.
Also, do not assume a friend of yours cannot afford something. Just create a situation where she feels free to decline if she wants to. That way everyone is happy and there’s no bad blood after the wedding.
Finally, try not to be too demanding of your bridesmaids. Remember they have a life outside planning your wedding! Again, be sure to thank them every step of the way, so they feel appreciated.

HAPPY BRIDE, HAPPY LIFE 😉

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