Shine & Victoria: The Right Moment
When is the right time to get married? Is it the age prescribed by society? Or it’s when you realize all your friends are getting hitched and you feel left behind? Or perhaps when you are tired and want freedom from parents? Well the answer to this question is simple: YOU.
“The right time for marriage is different for each person and unique to each situation,” one marriage expert says. And that is exactly the truth. Maturity and preparedness comes to all– but at its own pace. Some people are mentally ready to tie the knot by 18, others by 50! In fact, there’s a study that revealed that “people should get married between the ages of 28 and 32 if they don’t want to get divorced”. However, what you need to know is that marriage is not a race.
Nevertheless, there are some things you can look at, or have answers to, should you feel ‘ready’ for marriage. Sometimes, the answers may be wrong and it’d take you an expensive wedding and a year or two of unhappiness to find out. Now we wouldn’t want that, would we?
So in this article we would review two things: The wrong reasons to get married, and when the time is right.
Shine and Victoria’s perfect moment
WRONG REASONS TO GET MARRIED
Here are five common wrong reasons why people get married:
1. To prove you are an adult / you feel you are running out of time
Believe it or not, many people fall into this category. At certain points, they just settle for marriage because they feel ‘grown’ and need to show it. Other times, it’s just people comparing themselves to friends, relatives, colleagues etc, and feel like ‘it’s the prime marriage season’ and they have to take their chances or lose it. RED FLAG!
2. For money
This is also a top wrong reason to get married. Several Ghanaian and Nigerian movies have given us all the possibilities with this option lol!
3. To ease loneliness
Tired of lonely so you need a lifetime partner? Nope, this barely ends well. Tying the knot to someone just because you’re lonely is not the way. Sometimes, being with some people is even worse than being lonely.
4. For the sake of a fancy wedding
Many young people today have strong urges to have a wedding– just because the ceremony looks fun. But they tend to forget there’s real life after the wedding day!
You absolutely do not need to marry someone because you’re pregnant for them/ got them pregnant. Marriage is long journey and just because you’re having a baby doesn’t mean you are compatible with this person. Same way you should not marry someone because you want a baby. Marriage is not like seeing cookies on the counter and buying them– you cannot return the box once it’s open.
Now to the right moment– or better still, reasons.
THE RIGHT TIME
Conversely, there are times you may feel it is the right time to get married. Here are some positive signs:
1. When you are totally in love
It is better to look at this as the very first step– and not the only step. Love is the foundation of all relationships. Again, love is what would let you hold on to something no matter how bad the odds are. And love comes from within, it’s unexplainable but you just know. If your partner makes you happy 90% of the time, then you’re probably truly in love. After you accept that you’re in love, you can proceed to the next important steps.
2. Desire to be together forever
Do you desire to be united with this person forever? Ten, twenty years down the line, do you think you’d enjoy being with this person? And if something should change, are you willing to work to make it last? If the answers to these are yes, then you’re on the right track.
3. Full knowledge
How many sides of your partner do you know? “One problem that can detour a marriage that seems to be headed in the right direction is the introduction of unexpected new knowledge about a partner”, Psychology Today writes. So you need to ask yourself if you have full knowledge about your partner’s behaviors, thought process and decisions. How he/she values marriage, family, money, and career goals should determine whether this is a GREEN flag or a RED for you.
4. A measure of the tough times
Marriage is turbulent– yes tough times are bound to occur. So one thing you can use to decide is by relfecting on the tough times you have had in your relationship/ courting period. How did your partner handle it? Was it in a way you think you can tolerate? Having a solid answer to this question is also a step in the right path.
5. Communication, support system and goals
Here’s the truth point blank period: You and the right person will have similar goals and values in life.
You need a support system or a voice of reason in every decision you make. If you and your partner constantly agree on things or at least agree to disagree– with no conflicts, then you can be sure this is the right one for you.
But the only way to know all this is by communication. The right person will communicate thoughts and feelings with you and will not keep hurts and concerns bottled up inside. If your channels of communications are regular, sincere and open, then chances are you are ready to marry this person.
One last thing is the issue of trust. If you truly believe in and have faith in your partner, no matter what, then GO FOR IT.
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