Love is beautiful, marriage even more. But like love, marriage comes with its own ups and downs. After the lovely wedding and the seemingly unforgettable honeymoon, the first few months as husband and wife could pose a challenge. Moving in to live together comes with lots of adjustments and one is almost never fully prepared.

So how do you deal with all the change? How do you make it work? Today, we’d touch on some of the common ‘living together’ issues and how to solve them.

Love in the house #jeffloveslyanne. Shot by @kingkwekuananse_photography 

DEALING WITH THE DIFFERENCE

Here’s a fact: Dating someone is different from living together as one. Therefore, we have to face it — everything would change. The small moments and details could either make each day special or uncomfortable. But don’t stress it, there’s a solution for everything.

Some common issues most married couples face when living together are:

1. Sharing each other’s space

For independent people, this could be one hell of a challenge. It becomes daunting to all of a sudden have someone in your space each  passing day. Whose ideas do we use to decorate the room? Can we get a bigger bed? Do you need all those clothes? Who gets to use the bathroom first? and so on.

2. Habits that die hard

All habits, not just bad ones, die hard. Besides, ‘bad’ habits are relative. One partner just loves to be neat but the other thinks it’s OCD! And now that you’re living as a unit, you have to deal with more of those.
Leaving dishes in the sink undone. Not flushing the toilet after using it. Squeezing the toothpaste wrong. Scattered clothes on the floor vs. folded and ironed in the wardrobe. Loud music vs. peaceful silence. Sleeping with the lights on…

3. Conflicting Routines

Just when you decide to do things together, routines get in the way. For instance, you go out of your way to make breakfast but it now turns out your spouse is an on-the-go breakfast person. Or you want to stay up late for a heart-to-heart but their routine is to be in bed by nine, and be awake by five…

4. Me time or We time

Another challenge is knowing when to draw the line between individual time and couple time. Can you still go out with your friends? Can you stay up late talking on the phone? Or work late to get things done ahead of time?

5. New visions and ideologies

The most crucial of them all is when a spouse’s ideologies suddenly change. Assume you both agreed on expectations and a vision of how your life together would be. Then out of nowhere, one person has a change of mind. It could range from a change in careers to spending habits, how to raise the children or even their faith/religious beliefs. How then would you deal with these upsets?

Every couple faces one or more of these issues at some point in their marriage. However, how you handle it makes the difference.

The battle for power can be unending and frankly, unnecessary. You both need to have an adult conversation and find some middle ground. It helps to agree on some ground rules before moving in together. It is important; don’t just go with the flow.

Avoid these things before they come up and make it a point to address newer, unexpected issues immediately they do. Don’t sweep things under the rug. Instead of confusing your spouse by being passive-aggressive or dropping “subtle” hints; go to the table and talk about the smallest discomfort. Remember these tips— Step up, talk, resolve. Repeat.

Finally, seek professional help if things get worse. Short-term counselling or talking things out with a trusted mediator would always help.

Oh and please stay away from the social media advice and validation! They get even more confusing because looking from the outside in, no one truly gets the full picture.

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