“Every wedding has to be unique.” That’s something most people emphasize on whenever they are planning their big day. While ‘uniqueness’ is subjective, it is important to still stick to what is ‘accepted’. Wedding etiquette is, therefore, all wedding codes that are customarily regarded as ‘polite and good behaviour’. Of course, you can tweak a couple of things at your wedding to make it unforgettable, however, you ought to stick to the typical expectations. So in this piece, we’d talk about a few wedding codes ⁠— ranging from the oldest to the most modern ones.

Mr Biney in his colourful traditional fit. Shot by @solmac_studios

WEDDING ETIQUETTE ⁠— WHAT IS STILL EXPECTED

Some of them have evolved with time, but most wedding etiquettes remain unbroken, unbent, and unchanged. Quite similar to wedding traditions, here are a few rules you still cannot break:  

1. Dress Code

Brides are usually in charge of selecting the colour schemes associated with their wedding. Some may set a dress code for guests, others would not. However, the one unwritten rule everyone agrees on is: ‘Guests should never wear white, ever!’ The reason is simple ⁠— white is reserved for the bride. It represents purity, light, goodness and perfection. Therefore, every bride more or less decides on a shade of white for their gown. To not steal their spotlight, especially as a female, avoid the temptation of wearing white. In fact, you’d be better off in a black outfit than a white one.  

2. Invitations

For wedding invitations, ‘when to send them out?’ is the most important question. Traditionally, the rule is that invitations should go out six to eight weeks before the wedding. This is enough time for guests to prepare and schedule for the event. Another thing is to make sure every relevant detail is on the invitation ⁠— from the timing, directions, dress code, RSVP, gift list (if any), and guest restrictions (plus one, adult only etc).

3. Wedding Party

The wedding party refers to the entire wedding train ⁠— the maid of honour, best man, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, ring bearers and page boys. The rule here is to take care of them. They are committing time and money to be a part of your celebration; it’s fair that you return the favour. One thing you can do is to ensure the wedding is drama-free. However, an actual wedding gift would be a bonus. Include in your budget some tokens of appreciation for your wedding party. For brides, only if you can afford, a kind gesture would be to cover for hair and makeup costs for your bridesmaids. For grooms, like the name, a pre-wedding grooming treat for your entourage is ideal.  

4. Vendors

Don’t forget to cater to your vendors! These are the people who will be working all day to make your day a success. It is only right to refresh them, to say the least. You need to get a comprehensive list of all vendors who would be providing services all day. Discuss with your caterer a separate meal package for them, if possible. An ideal solution would be to prepare a place for them to eat before the reception begins so that they do not miss out on any action.  

5. Guests

Two things you have to do for your guests are making them feel welcome — during and after the wedding. It doesn’t have to take long but guests do appreciate the least bit of acknowledgement from you. For instance, greeting guests is still in style. During the event, share a hug, take a selfie or have a quick chat during cocktail hour; then move on to the next group of guests. When it is time to dance, join in the fun with them. Though it is impossible to say hi to everyone, take note of those you miss out on and give them a call after the event. Post-wedding etiquette is mainly about showing gratitude. Sending thank-you notes on time (within a week or two) is considered polite and lets guests know that you cared about their presence.

More to come on wedding etiquette…

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